


two blocks right of whatever-this-is

by sapphee



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 36 Questions to Fall in Love with Anyone, Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Intimacy, Getting Together, Hypothetical Mutant Lobsters, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Nursey has four moms, Unresolved Romantic Tension, physical intimacy, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphee/pseuds/sapphee
Summary: Nursey and Dex play Never Have I Ever, answer the36 questions that lead to love, and [spoilers but not really bc y'all know what's coming] kiss. In that order.--“You wanna go first?”“Sure. Never have I ever… hm. Decided to show my friend one of my favorite restaurants on Black Friday when everyone’s out shopping in this area and ended up waiting almost an hour to be seated.”Nursey takes a drink. “Immediately targeting me, I see. Rude.”“It’s literally just us here, Nurse,” Dex says, but he’s smiling.





	two blocks right of whatever-this-is

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shellybelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellybelle/gifts).



> this is a super late (or early a;dkfa;slfd) bday fic for shellybelle ([geniusorinsanity](http://geniusorinsanity.tumblr.com) on tumblr)... i meant to do this earlier but i got super busy and also had writer's block for months?? and then, idk, i whacked out approx. 7k of this in a day?? what even. anyway, i hope you enjoy this and i am super sorry for being so late about this a;ldfjas;ldfkj happy late/early birthday!! and no offense to harvard, but #fuckharvard #smallliberalartscollegesinMAsolidarity
> 
> some notes about this fic before you start: (**note: please do NOT send me any comments about whether dex deserved dibs more or whether he was justified in how he canonically reacted upon learning they were going to be sharing a room)
> 
> takes place evening/night of black friday 2017 (nov. 24), during nursey and dex's senior yr. 
> 
> nursey's moms are my OMs (original moms) from, as you guessed it, [hockey science au](https://archiveofourown.org/series/493942)! the quick summary about the moms is that nursey has four moms--his parents divorced when he was young and then remarried. if you want a little more info but don't want to read the whole of hockey science au, nursey talks abt them in part 3 (ctrl+F "that guy with the four moms").
> 
> i imagine the beginning scene of this fic to look like [this partic timestamp](https://youtu.be/VSkYbgxl93Y?t=52) of an old favorite, back when i used to watch wfp, esp the lighting and the way the window lets in all the city lights. 
> 
> after playing never have i ever, they answer these 36 questions [here](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html). you can open it up in a different tab to follow along if you want to, but it isn't necessary. 
> 
> the questions are for fostering emotional intimacy between strangers, not necessarily for the purpose of falling in love (tho famously, two participants in the original study got married). there are 3 sets of q's, 12 in each set. each set gets progressively probing, so nursey and dex talk about some things. one of those things is the matter of dibs. again, please do NOT send me comments about whether you felt dex or nursey deserved it more. 
> 
> my primary focuses re: dibs were 1) dex did assume he would automatically have a place in the haus; he does ask why nursey deserves lardo's dibs; in asking how nursey deserves lardo's dibs, he implies that he is more deserving of her dibs, since dex is saying the evidence for his case is obvious, whereas it isn't for nursey (dex's basically saying nursey didn't do anything) and 2) dex's reaction after finding out they were going to be sharing a room, when he looks defeated and sad. Or more accurately, my focus is on how nursey might have reacted to seeing dex react like that. pls don't send me explanations for why dex might've reacted like that bc it doesn't justify it and also bc rn there's just no way of knowing what was going on in his head. I don’t have a good explanation (or any at all tbh) for why dex acted that way either, and frankly, that’s not one of my priorities, nor does it matter in this fic. 
> 
> so. please do not send me any comments about why dex deserved it more or why he's justified in reacting that way bc that's derailing what i wanted to do with this fic. there are plenty of fics out there that focus on dex's hurt feelings and how nursey wrongs him (which is a Trope that i have Thoughts about, but that's going to be shelved for later bc it's 3 am), so please just let me write this one fic where i can focus on nursey's feelings without dex's overshadowing/negating/invalidating his thank you
> 
> also i cannot believe i predicted that the holsom dibs would be given away via four-way handshake back in my hockey science au (tho ofc i didn't guess ollie and wicks) 
> 
> this was a super interesting writing exercise--the 36 q's in particular. first i found it hard bc the questions are shallow at first. but like, the questions kinda 'trick' you into being more vulnerable and open, very subtly, so before i knew it, things were getting Deep and Meaningful
> 
> get ready for some in-fic puns + more notes at the end
> 
> p.s. "Would you ever sing to me?" "No." "You'd totally sing to me." 
> 
> :)

Nursey walks over to the window, his sock-clad feet quiet on the wooden floorboards. Dex is already there, leaning against the window and looking out at the city skyline that runs along the Hudson River. A peachy wine they grabbed on the way back to Mom and Mum’s apartment sits by Dex’s ankle. Dex is tapping his foot to the rhythm of a song in his head—he’s become really interested in figuring out how to play the songs Nursey introduced him to by ear lately, so he’s willing to bet it’s a Kehlani song.

He passes Dex two wine glasses before plopping down himself and watches him for a second, before he starts swaying a little, in time with Dex’s tapping. “‘Any crazy things you’re feeling for me tonight / You can get it on out the way’.”

Dex stops tapping and turns his head to look at Nursey, cocking his head and studying him, as if he’s only just noticed him there. With only the city skyline to illuminate the apartment, Dex is a silhouette best described as a softly glowing blue. “That’s not where I was. Nice try, though.”

“Yeah?” Nursey fills their glasses, watching as the bubbly sloshes in. “Where were you?”

“‘And you just keep on taking me back / And I don't know why you do / 'Cause I'm no good to you’,” Dex sings softly. It may be dimly lit, but Nursey can tell he’s blushing. “It’s been in my head lately.”

“It’s a good song.”

“It’s one of my favorites,” Dex admits. “Thanks for showing it to me.”

“No problem.” Nursey clinks his glass against Dex’s. In the blue light, the wine doesn’t look pink, but oh well. “As Shitty would say, ‘To the destruction of fragile masculinity’!”

Dex snorts. He clears his throat after he takes a sip. After his own sip, Nursey watches the wine make its way down Dex’s throat and feels his throat gulp in sympathy. “Are we still playing?”

“Why else would I have bought this? My moms don’t let me near their fancy shit because I’m ‘a college frat boy who only knows how to drink terrible beer’.”

“To be fair, you _are_ a college frat boy who only knows how to drink terrible beer,” Dex jokes, pressing his shoulder into Nursey’s. The warmth of it isn’t unfamiliar; they’ve been getting more and more touchy-feely with each other over the years while learning how to be friends, but they’re alone in Mom and Mum’s apartment while Nursey’s four moms are doing their own thing in Brooklyn Heights, and the contact feels like it’s laced with intent. More than usual, at least.

“And fruity wines from Trader Joe’s,” Nursey agrees. “You wanna go first?”

“Sure. Never have I ever… hm. Decided to show my friend one of my favorite restaurants on Black Friday when everyone’s out shopping in this area and ended up waiting almost an hour to be seated.”

Nursey takes a drink. “Immediately targeting me, I see. Rude.”

“It’s literally just us here, Nurse,” Dex says, but he’s smiling.

“Well, you liked the place, so.” Nursey drinks and fiddles with his sleeve, thinking. “How about. Never have I ever gotten stuck in a hockey helmet because my ears were too big.”

“That was one time, not my fault, and _definitely_ a coordinated prank!”

“Still happened, King L _ear_.”

“I’m going to get you back.”

Nursey grins, trying to will his heart back into beating normally, because the smirk Dex is aiming at him is just too much. Then, because he wants to see him blush again, “You better.”

“Never have I ever tripped up the stairs and almost into one of Bitty’s pies,” Dex says despite his full-on blush, snorting even before he’s halfway through.

Nursey wrinkles his nose at the memory. “Ugh. That was because Tango kept asking me about who we were setting him up with for Screw. He was so convinced playing Twenty Questions would help him narrow them down.”

Nursey doesn’t mention the dance they’d shared in the corner of the ballroom that year. Sophomore year. The one when Nursey had come out as gay to the team a few weeks before and had tagged along with the singles of the team for Screw rather than find a date. The one when one of his favorite songs to croon to in the locker room started playing but he didn’t have anyone to dance with and then Dex came over and they swayed to it. The one when Nursey pressed his face into the crook of Dex’s neck so he could pretend he was dancing with someone he’d come with as a date and not the teammate (and sometimes friendly acquaintance) taking pity on him.

Neither does Dex.

Dex bites his lip, responding after a second too long. “You have to admit, he _would_ think that was the best way to figure it out. Aren’t you going to drink?”

Nursey downs the rest of his glass. The wine settles in his belly, sending a languid warmth all the way to his toes. He starts to feel floaty and just the slightest bit sleepy; most of it is probably from all the walking around the Union Square Holiday Market they did today.

He leans his head on Dex’s shoulder; surprisingly, Dex lets him, but that technically shouldn’t be surprising at all, because Dex has been letting him do that more recently, even outside the roadie naps that Dex lets Nursey take on his shoulder as part of Dex’s pre-game ritual. He hums lightly, feeling Dex’s body tense slightly at the new sensation before relaxing again. He’d thought inviting Dex to NYC for Thanksgiving break would be the most self-indulgent thing he’s done in all his time at Samwell, but this, this whatever-this-is that suddenly prompts Dex to let out a quiet, shuddery sigh before adjusting his arm so that it’s wrapped around Nursey and to allow Nursey to burrow himself more deeply into Dex’s side is quickly adding to (and topping) the list.

“Tired?” Dex asks. His arm tightens around Nursey for balance as he helps Nursey refill his glass.

“Mm. A little. You’re really warm.”

Dex doesn’t answer. Instead, he rests his head lightly on top of Nursey’s own.

Nursey brings two cold fingers up to Dex’s chin. It’s hot to the touch. “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. Well. Not… much.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just bad at, uh. Whatever this is. Or isn’t. Not that this _is_... anything.”

“I’m bad at it, too,” Nursey says honestly. Echoes him. “Whatever this is. Want to continue playing?”

Dex’s nod briefly brings his chin closer to the top of Nursey’s head. Nursey wants Dex to lean more of his weight on him, but it doesn’t happen.

They play a few more rounds like that, Nursey mumbling his never-have-I-evers into Dex’s flannel and Dex doling his out right above Nursey’s ear. Nursey drinks for always having leaves in his hair, even if he hasn’t been outside all day. Dex drinks for the time everyone thought he was watching hockey, when he had actually been watching some fishing show. They both drink for having a crush on Chowder.

The bottle’s half-empty now. Dex gently nudges Nursey, who moves over to the side, so Dex can have use of both his hands to refill his wine glass. “It’s half-gone. Want to get into the juicy stuff?”

“Huh. Never thought I’d witness Willifordinghamster Poindexter saying the word ‘juicy’.”

“Not my name,” Dex says automatically, like he always does. “And uh, there was this thing the seniors would do at my high school? They’d post lists of all the people they crushed on throughout the years on the last day of school.”

“Did you do it?”

“Nah.” Dex looks down. “I never made a list. Chickened out. Looking back now, my crush list probably would have had, like, two girls and five guys. And I was thinking, well, we’re not in high school, but we _are_ seniors now, so… want to?”

“Sure. Never have I ever had fantasies about Jack’s ass.” They look at each other, laugh, and clink their glasses.

“If you’re on the hockey team and you didn’t dream about having or getting that ass, what were you even doing,” Dex jokes. “Never have I ever crushed on Ransom.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure I’m still half in love with him at this point,” Nursey says, only half-joking.

“I think I’m always going to feel _something_ for him, like I do with Chowder,” Dex says. “I think it’s his cheekbones.”

“ _Think?_ Poindexter, I _know_ so,” Nursey replies, and they drink.

Nursey admits to wondering about most of the team during the playoffs, because beards, duh. Dex admits to wondering about Holster ever since the time he and Ransom had that contest for stuffing the most eggs into their mouths during team breakfast one day.

“Just his mouth,” Dex says defensively, when Nursey giggles. “He’s alright, but like, I wouldn’t—he’s very—I just—you know how he is. You have to believe me. Just—no.” Nursey can’t stop laughing at his attempts to defend himself, and Dex eventually joins in.

After their giggles die down, Nursey cups his wine glass with his hands and peers inside. It’s his turn. The moment feels big, heavy, like it’s too _much_ to happen, almost. His glass is a third full. He downs all of it, keeps his gaze downward. “Your turn.”

“You didn’t say a ‘Never Have I Ever’.”

“No, I didn’t.” Nursey sets the wineglass on the floor, next to the almost-empty wine bottle. “I just didn’t want to say it. It’s—it’s not, uh. I don’t know if it’d be okay to say, but, like—”

“What is it?” Dex asks. “Please. Of course it’s okay to say. Whatever it is.”

Something in the way he says it makes Nursey look up at him. Dex looks… not necessarily _somber_ , but somewhere along those lines. His eyes lock in on Nursey’s, and while the gaze is captivating, it’s also surprisingly gentle.

“Never have I ever—” Nursey clears his throat, feeling his face heat up. His voice gets quieter. “Never have I ever—wanted—my—my, uh, d-partner.” His voice cracks in the middle of it, and immediately, his brain starts berating his mouth for his choice of words. Wanted. Not untrue, but. But.

Dex looks at him for a long time. Then, he looks at—Nursey’s empty glass. His own wine glass, which is empty. The almost-empty bottle of wine. After making sure Nursey’s eyes are on him—as if they could be anywhere else—Dex takes the bottle and downs the rest of it, never breaking eye contact.

Nursey bites his lip, watching Dex’s throat as the wine goes down. Dex wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Time seems to slow to a stop. No one says anything.

“Want to keep going? There might be some brandy,” Nursey says finally.

“No,” Dex says almost immediately, but before Nursey can panic about what he means by that—“I just don’t want to have any more alcohol right now.”

“You tired? We can just go to sleep.”

“Not unless you’re tired—”

“No, I’m good—”

“We could—”

“We can always—”

They both stop again and look at each other.

Nursey huffs out a laugh that comes from somewhere high up in his chest. He feels slightly dizzy, and he knows it’s not all because of the wine. “What were you going to say?”

“We could continue playing, but something else?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Dex hugs his knees. “Anything, really, while we rehydrate and sober up a bit.”

Nursey’s quiet for a moment. “Okay, so don’t judge me for this—”

“Now I _know_ it’s got to be something good,” Dex quips, and they’re back, somewhere in the realms of their normal, which—if Nursey’s honest with himself—has been approximately two blocks right of whatever-this-is, as of late.

“ _Anyway_ , so I was reading the _Times_ , and there are these 36 questions you and a conversation partner can do to, like, foster emotional vulnerability and get closer to someone faster? And then you just maintain eye contact for a few minutes? It’s from this psych experiment that this guy did way back then, like, a few decades ago. I always wondered if it really worked, so. We could, uh, give it a try?”

“Is this from the article you sent the team on your _birthday_?” Dex grabs his water bottle off the table, takes a swig, and hands it to Nursey. “The one that said two of the participants in the original study got _married_?”

“One, I sent it because of _Valentine’s Day_ , not my birthday, and two, uh, yes?”

Dex studies him for a second, making Nursey feel completely exposed. “Okay.”

“Really?”

“I want to see if it works, too.” Dex whips out his phone, thumbs at the ready. “It’s the ‘36 questions that lead to love,’ right?”

“Yeah.” Nursey watches him type for a few seconds, and then—“Wait, but really? You want to see if we—”

Dex looks up and meets his gaze, blushing again. “Yeah. Um. Didn’t you—”

“Yeah. Uh. Yeah, I do.”

Dex resumes typing. “Cool.”

“Okay,” Nursey says, suddenly shy. “Okay. Okay.”

“We can take turns for who answers the question first.” Dex brings up the first question. “So. Number one. ‘Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?’”

“Ooh. That’s a hard one.” Nursey bites his lip and looks at his knees, half of him focused on answering the question and half of him just plain relieved that the air doesn’t feel as heavy or uncertain as before. “I think… maybe… ATCQ? Their music did so much for me when I had just started playing hockey. How about you?”

“Now I feel silly. I was going to say, like, Thom Beers.”

“Who?”

“The guy who created _Deadliest Catch_ ,” Dex clarifies.

Nursey laughs, shaking his head. “Should we go to the next question?”

After seeing the kinds of things Jack has had to deal with as an NHL star and the child of one, neither has any desire to be famous, though Nursey would be okay with being known for his words. To Nursey’s surprise, Dex wings all his phone calls, even interviews, whereas Nursey always practices phone calls with flashcards beforehand (“They can’t see your face, though,” Dex points out, which is when Nursey says, “That’s _exactly_ why I need to rehearse!”).

Nursey blushes when he names today as the perfect day. After a pause, Dex agrees with him, before shyly moving on.

“‘When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?’ That’s easy,” Dex says, and Nursey smiles.

Then comes the next question: If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

“The mind,” Nursey says immediately. “So I could always write.”

“I’d rather have the body of a 30-year-old,” Dex says. “I could play hockey forever and make a ton of money.”

“You’d have the longest career ever,” Nursey agrees. “‘Local Area Man Doesn’t Know When To Stop’.”

“Man, can you imagine if we were trying to do this a few years ago, though?” Dex asks. “This would’ve been the new _Roaches v. Attic_.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Nursey says. He also thinks—they would never be caught dead doing this a few years ago. Falling in love, or… whatever this is. “The thought literally just crossed my mind, too, but then you just _had_ to speak it into existence, didn’t you. It’s going to pop up in the group chat within the next week, just you watch.”

After a moment, Dex speaks up. “I’m—I’m glad we’re doing this now. Whatever this is.”

Nursey holds his gaze. “Me, too.”

They continue. Dex thinks he’s going to die in his sleep (“I always thought you’d go out in an epic fight against mutant lobsters,” Nursey says, to which Dex says, “What the fuck?”), while Nursey doesn’t think about that kind of thing anymore because it always sends him down an anxiety spiral. Dex nods sympathetically.

Three things in common. “Easy,” Dex says. “Same height, same position in hockey, and—”

“—whatever this is,” Nursey finishes.

“Yeah. Whatever this is,” Dex agrees.

Nursey feels most grateful for the progress he and his four moms have made as a family. Dex feels most grateful for the patience that especially Nursey and Chowder have shown him throughout the years for the kinds of things he used to think were unquestionably true.

“It’s a pretty good segue into the next question, which says, ‘If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?’” Dex pauses. “Honestly, where do I even start? Maybe with, like, learning earlier that not being straight doesn’t make me exempt from being racist? Or maybe with, I don’t know, everything I learned throughout my childhood and also later on that made me assume that I was going to automatically get a space in the Haus? I’m still, like, embarrassed and appalled by how I acted? It didn’t make sense, like we were already friends at that point, so I shouldn’t have behaved like that. I’m really sorry. Again.”

“Thank you,” Nursey says, which is what he says every time the dibs thing comes up. He’s never said more because he’s still working through the pain and betrayal he felt when he saw all the excitement die from Dex’s eyes upon finding out they were going to be sharing the room. “You know how I felt about, like, going through it on my end—and I don’t really want to dwell on it tonight—so I’m just moving on because thinking about the dibs thing still makes me sad, not—not because I want to invalidate your feelings or anything—”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry. For putting you in this position, I mean,” Dex says, his hand on the back of his neck. “Sorry, I’ll stop apologizing! Shutting up.”

“Thank you,” Nursey says again. He hopes Dex can tell that he’s saying it as sincerely as he can. He reaches out a hand to circle Dex’s wrist in assurance and drops it. “Okay, so for my answer… I don’t know. I wouldn’t change my parents’ divorce, because even though everything that came afterward was really hard to get through, I’m happy with where we all are now. Maybe what I would change is… how my birth moms communicated with each other after the divorce, because of how they were barely speaking to each other, and no one was happy. Oh, and I’d change how we talked—or more accurately, didn’t really talk—about money. Three of my moms grew up in working-class immigrant families and then worked hard to become successful, and they would talk about having nothing, which was why they wanted to make sure I had everything I wanted, but, you know. Not the best way to learn about money.”

“I suppose getting yelled at about not knowing what it could possibly mean to have or not have privilege by a white guy who doesn’t know anything about race isn’t the best way, either,” Dex says, smiling sheepishly.

“Nope,” Nursey replies, grinning back. He marvels at how they’re able to talk about past disputes like this now—easily and honestly, poking gently enough at memories that are painful to think about for the other to remember, not hard enough to make the other go on defense and shut down the conversation. “But that’s a whole other conversation entirely, and we still have a lot of questions to get through. Next—'Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.’”

“Well, you know mine already, but anyway, I grew up in Maine. I started going along with my dad and uncles to help with the lobster fishing in high school, which is also when I got into hockey. I grew up in a really conservative family, so I came to Samwell with a lot of things going on. Some of it involved internalized self-hatred—it took me a long time to understand my bisexuality. I learned a lot from my teammates, who shouldn’t have had to hold my hand to help me unlearn some pretty messed-up stuff. I chose to major in computer science because I just like it—coding always makes sense, until it doesn’t, of course. I’m hoping to get my master’s done in one semester, rather than two, and get hired by Google or Microsoft. I’m not picky. I just want to get paid.”

“Soft same,” Nursey says, echoing him from a team breakfast that feels like it was a forever ago.

“Oh, and apparently I’m going to be mauled to death by gigantic, mutated lobsters.”

“Listen, they’re going to make a movie commemorating your bravery, and it’s going to be called _Claws_ ,” Nursey says, yelping when Dex reaches out to tickle him.

“Come on, Nurse. Tell me _your_ life story now.”

“Okay, so like, you know I have four moms because my birth moms got divorced when I was little and they both remarried. Both sets of parents didn’t really get along, and they were really busy with their careers, but they always did their best to spend time with me. But it was still hard, like I said before, seeing them with their new wives at the time, while also worrying if they not only wanted to live new, separate lives, but also new, separate lives without _me,_ and when things got too much, I’d run away and hide until I was no longer feeling so overwhelmed. Things came to a head some time during Andover, which is when we all went to therapy together to work things out, and my moms have been trying really hard to make up for the past, which is why they’re always doing things like—”

“Sending twelve bottles of Advil in the mail? Yeah, I remember.”

“You’re the one who helps Ford keep inventory of the team first aid kits and helps her refill them with the stuff from my moms’ care packages, so of course you do. What else? Mom came out to me when I was in high school, which gave me the courage to come out to her as well. Then I came to Samwell, crushed on a good number of guys excluding Holster—”

“Like I said! I only ever thought about his mouth! I never had a crush on Holster!”

“—and majored in English because I like writing. The end.”

“I wish I never told you, because you’re going to hold that over my head forever.”

“Yep,” Nursey says cheerfully, popping the ‘p’. “This is payback for convincing my moms that I love their kale bread, getting the recipe from them, and using your baking skills for evil.”

“Worth it.” Dex scrolls down for the twelfth question, which is the last one of the first set. Nursey wishes for teleportation, because time is a meaningless social construct and he’s always running late. Dex wishes for the ability to see into the future. Nursey watches Dex’s blush make its way down his face and neck as he explains why. Nursey doesn’t need telepathy to know Dex wants precognition so he can see how whatever this is turns out, and in that moment, Nursey wishes for it, too.

The sets of questions are supposed to get increasingly deeper, but maybe the first few questions of the next set go faster because they’d already covered some deep stuff in the first set. Nursey wishes to know what he’s going to do in the future, because he doesn’t have any post-graduation plans as of yet, while Dex wants to know how his parents are going to react when he comes out to them.

“‘Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?’” Nursey reads aloud. “I, um. Uh. Too scared, I guess.”

He catches Dex looking at his mouth, who only says, softly, “Hard same.”

Nursey swallows hard. The next questions go by fast—greatest accomplishment: getting a summer internship at Microsoft last year, winning a contest for best children’s book during the last year of high school; most important in a friendship: honesty, trust; most treasured memory: being snowbound at the Haus with everyone during freshman year, having all his moms together for a summer vacationing in Crete.

“Most terrible memory,” Dex says next.

“Honestly? I have a lot of terrible memories, but most recently? When we flipped the coin for Lardo’s room,” Nursey says, voice already a little wobbly. To his horror, he can feel his eyes starting to tear up. “Like, I just felt so… betrayed? I was so excited to be living with all my friends nearby and to be sharing a room with you, and I thought you’d be excited, too, but you were acting like you _hated_ me—sorry.”

Fuck, he’s already sniffling—he’s not as over this as he’d thought. He wipes at his eyes, looking up with surprise, when he feels Dex’s hand on his wrist.

“Can I hug you?” Dex asks quietly.

Nursey nods, and Dex immediately brings his arms around him, enveloping him in his warmth completely. Somehow, as they arrange themselves into a more comfortable position, Nursey finds himself in Dex’s lap, as Dex rubs his back. Nursey presses his face into Dex’s chest, letting himself sob it out. “I don’t know why—why it was such a big deal for me. I’d already gotten used to you hating me in freshman year, and by the end of it, I’d gotten pretty good at not letting it get to me. So you were a racist white boy who hated me, big whoop. I saw plenty of that at Andover. And then I don’t know what happened, but halfway through sophomore year, it seemed like you were nicer to me? And I was also trying to be nicer, too, because fighting all the time is just so… stressful.”

“Bitty, Ransom, Holster, Lardo, and Chowder kind of staged an intervention with me,” Dex says, after a beat. “Because I had a chip on my shoulder and wasn’t open to new things, different takes on things I’d grown up believing were the right thing, the 'objective' view. I had a lot of internalized homophobia and biphobia, and racist and sexist and transphobic beliefs, besides. And I was taking it out on much of the team, but particularly on you. I’m so sorry.”

Nursey clears his throat, because his voice has dropped down to a whisper. “When you got so upset at having to share the room, I just kept wondering—was all that progress we made together to become friends just in my head? Or, if I hadn’t imagined that we’d become friends, did our progress just not matter? Everyone cares about whether other people like them or not, and I’m not different, and I fell into a bad headspace. Was my presence so repulsive to you that you couldn’t stand the idea of having me in your life? Had you just been pretending to tolerate my presence the whole time? Did you—did you dance with me during sophomore Screw as a joke? I started wondering if you’d just been pretending to be nice the whole time, dissecting all our previous interactions. I just kept spiraling.”

“Shit,” Dex sighs, as he continues to rub circles along Nursey’s spine. If Nursey could curl in closer, he would. Nursey covers Dex’s other hand with both of his. “I’m so sorry, Nursey. Derek. I don’t know how to explain my behavior, because I don’t know why I reacted that way myself, but it wouldn’t justify it anyway. You’re so important to me, and I’m so, so sorry I made you feel like that. It’s my most terrible memory, too. I’m going to keep working on being better, so you always know how important you are to me.”

“Me, too,” Nursey promises, pressing a soft kiss to his chest, before freezing. After a deliberate, weighted pause, Nursey feels Dex wrap his arms even more tightly around him. “I think we need the next question. You can read them all from now on, right, because I’m busy here.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Dex shifts gently, so not to jostle Nursey too much, as he retrieves his phone. “‘If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?’”

Nursey nudges him. “Looks like the mutant lobsters are coming for you sooner than you thought.”

“Haha, very funny,” Dex says sarcastically, before becoming serious. “I think I’d… come right out and say something. Even if I was afraid things were going to go badly. Because at the very least, I’d have said it, and… he’d—know.”

“Huh. Same,” Nursey says. He can feel the definitely controlled way Dex is holding himself after he drops the pronoun, and he knows it’s because Dex wants to tense up badly, but he also doesn’t want Nursey to misinterpret something that he doesn’t want to explain just yet. And well, Nursey doesn’t want him to, just yet, because he also wants to see… whatever this is through. “I think… no matter how badly it could go, I want—I want him to know, too.”

Friendship means always picking up when a friend calls, because you never know if it’s an emergency, Dex explains. Friendship means everything, Nursey explains. Love and affection are things they didn’t realize they wanted all that much until they joined Samwell Men’s Hockey, where both of those things are the norm, not the outlier, they find themselves agreeing on (“Touch-starved, that’s the word!” Nursey says).

“Number 22: ‘Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items’,” Dex says. “I’ll go first. You’re able to come up with puns almost immediately, which is technically both a blessing and a curse.”

“You’ll do anything for a meme. Or, should I say… _The end justifies the memes_.”

Dex groans. “ _Anyway_ , you always smell good.”

“You do really good covers of the songs I like.”

“You have good taste in music.”

“You have cute ears.”

Dex pauses. “You’re always making fun of them.”

Nursey shrugs into his chest. “Doesn’t mean they’re not cute.”

Dex clears his throat. “You always see the best in people and give them second chances, even when they don’t deserve it,” he says quietly.

“Well, you’re a lot more willing to listen than you used to.”

Dex’s fifth one comes out as a whisper. “You’re beautiful.”

Nursey’s does, too. “You’re really good at… whatever this is.”

“You, too.”

They’re both still whispering. “That’s six, from you.”

“You can pay me back later,” Dex says, clearing his throat. “The next one’s about how close you are to your family, but I feel like we know the answers to that one already, because we’ve talked so much about family and childhood already. Here’s the last of this set: ‘How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?’ I think I feel like it could be better—I keep a lot of things from her because I know she has prejudices about a lot of things, and we argue a lot because she knows I’m keeping secrets, but I never know what to say, because I never know how she’s going to react.”

There’s a pause. “My relationship with my mother?” Nursey asks incredulously. “Which _one_?”

Dex gives a snort. “You can skip the question, if you want. We do still have one more set of questions, after all.”

“Yeah, why not. It’d take too long, anyway,” Nursey says. “What are we on, number 25?”

“Mhm. First question of the last set. ‘Make three true ‘we’ statements each. For instance, ‘We are both in this room feeling…’’”

“Exposed,” Nursey says immediately, before backtracking. “I mean, I am.”

“Same here,” Dex says. “How about—we are both touch-starved.”

Nursey snorts. “Yep. We are both learning how to be better at communicating with each other.”

“We are both invested in each other.”

“We are both good at… whatever this is.”

Dex goes quiet again. “That, good sir, was a freebie.”

“Not a cop-out, though. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Ugh, fine, you can have that one.” Dex taps his fingers lightly along Nursey’s spine as he thinks, making him shiver. “We are… almost done with the questions.”

“And _that_ , fellow good sir, was a cop-out.”

“Can’t think right now. Too distracted,” Dex admits.

“What are you thinking about,” Nursey asks quietly.

“What comes after the questions,” Dex says honestly. He clears his throat again, for what seems to be the hundredth time today. “Number 26—‘I wish I had someone with whom to share…’”

“My heart.”

“My love.”

Startled, Nursey detaches himself the slightest bit so they can make eye contact. “I really want the questions to be over already,” he confesses.

“Me, too. But they’re almost over, eh?”

“ _Eh_ ,” Nursey says, and they’re back two blocks right again, back to normal. The speed at which they traverse back and forth makes Nursey’s head spin, sends his heart into overdrive. “And where’d you pick that one up from?”

“Probably Ransom, to be honest. Sometimes I dream about him, you know how it is.”

“Yeah, I do. I—I dream about you, too.”

Dex guides Nursey’s hand to his chest. Dex’s heart beats as fast as a hummingbird’s, as if it’s aching to break free of Dex’s rib cage and leap into Nursey’s palm. “We’re going to need to table that so we can get through the rest of these questions, okay?”

“Okay. Okay.” Things feel like they’re going way too fast, like the first time Nursey skied downhill and was so terrified that he tried to stick his poles in the snow to halt his momentum but instead ended up losing them and going even faster. “Okay.”

“‘If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know’,” Dex reads aloud. “I would—I want you to know that I’m still a pretty close-minded asshole who still has a lot to learn, but I _am_ willing to learn it, and I never want you to be afraid to tell me.”

“I want you to know that I’m always afraid we’ll one day have such a big fight that you’ll leave and never come back, even though we haven’t fought like that in a long time. But a part of me still thinks it’s going to be inevitable. But a different part of me, a bigger part of me, believes you when you say I’m important to you, so I’m going to trust that you’ll always be honest with me about where we stand.” Nursey takes a breath. “Not that I want to dismiss any of the things you’re saying, because I’m definitely listening, but would you mind if we just went no-frills question-answer, question-answer? Because I, um. I really want to get to the end of whatever this is and, you know. See what happens.”

“Good idea. Um. ‘Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.’”

“I like that you stick up for your friends and that you’ve gotten better at listening. I don’t know if you’ve been doing it on purpose or not, but I like how you take note of the songs I like and then strum them out on your guitar, because it makes me feel like you’ve noticed me, that you’re actually _seeing_ me and paying attention to me and caring about me. I like that you’re always there for me and help me out of my anxiety spirals whenever you see me lying on the floor staring at the ceiling when you come back to our room after your computer lab. I like that I don’t have to hide how sensitive I am or how fragile my feelings can be around you anymore, because I can trust you to handle them carefully.”

“I like that you’ve let me see yourself, because I love your creative side. I’m a very literal, what’s-a-metaphor kind of guy, so getting to see how you see the world is truly amazing. I am no longer ashamed or embarrassed to admit I like your taste in music, and I like singing them to you because I like seeing you happy. I like that you are always willing to sit with me and act as a sounding board whenever I have trouble with my coding, even though you don’t understand any of it and it gives you a headache, but you always insist on continuing to listen as I try to figure out where I went wrong. And I still like that you’ve given me a second chance, even though I didn’t deserve it.”

They’re quiet for a moment, processing everything. Nursey presses his ear to Dex’s chest, feeling how his heartbeat has slowed, but only by a little.

“Next one’s sharing an embarrassing moment. I had to go to a fancy banquet for the CS seniors, hosted by the CS department, and I didn’t know which utensils to use, because there were, like, two forks and spoons and stuff. I remember Spongebob had an episode about it, but then like Spongebob, I blanked out on everything, except for, like, breathing.”

“I did Open Mic in sophomore year, performing a piece about my ex. He was there in the audience that night.”

Dex winces. “I’m sorry. Ouch.”

“Yeah. Me, too. It’s why I had you or Chowder always with me in the dining halls and library. I was afraid he’d come after me. But I don’t want to relive it right now. Next question?”

“Yeah, I get that. ‘When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?’”

“You know the answer to the first part,” Nursey says, ducking his head. “And by myself, probably two months ago, when I was freaking out about my future. Again.”

“You’re going to figure it out. I know it,” Dex says earnestly. “I last cried in front of another person in sophomore year, when we lost the playoffs. I last cried by myself… two weeks ago, I think. You’d just asked me about Thanksgiving, and I got excited, but then I saw you with a guy at Annie’s, and I thought—I don’t know. I thought maybe that, uh. Our chance at… whatever this is was—was over. I didn’t know at the time he was your math tutor.”

“Oh,” Nursey says softly. “For the record, I don’t think it’s over, and also, fuck MATH101.”

“If you’d done it in freshman year, you could’ve taken it with Bitty and suffered together,” Dex says, like he always does whenever this comes up.

“Still. I’m sorry for making you cry.”

Dex drops a kiss in his hair, so lightly that Nursey almost thinks he imagined it. Dex rotates his neck. “‘Tell your partner something that you like about them already.’ Your heart. How big it is. Figuratively, I mean.”

“Dude, that’s _gay_ ,” Nursey giggles, when Dex pokes his side. “I like that you’re willing to sit through all these questions with me.”

“‘What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?’ Anything to do with the abuse of kids. It always hits me so hard.”

“Suicide.”

“I think we did this one already, didn’t we? ‘If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?’ I would most regret not telling someone that I’m… in love with him. I haven’t told him yet because I’ve treated him badly in the past and I’m afraid to face him.” Dex tenses and then relaxes a fraction when Nursey clasps their hands together, for courage.

“I would also most regret not telling him I’m in love with him. I haven’t told him yet because… because I thought he would never see me that way.”

Dex reads on. “‘Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?’”

“I would save the quilt on my bed because my moms made it for me while we were doing family therapy and gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday, and it meant so much to me, because at the time, only Mum knew how to crochet, so for them all to each make some squares, that meant they had to all sit down together to learn how to crochet and also talk about how they wanted to make it for me. For me, it was like the conclusive proof that they weren’t just doing the family therapy stuff to ‘fix me,’ so to speak, but because they really did care about the five of us being one cohesive family.”

“I would save my brother’s watch because when I was younger, I wanted to be exactly like him. He inherited our grandfather’s watch and would always be wearing it to show it off. I used to sneak into his room when he was sleeping to put it on my own wrist and admire it, do the same poses that he would do to show it off. I don’t want to be like my brother anymore, but for me, the watch is a reminder of what I used to be like.”

“How many more?” Nursey mumbles into Dex’s neck.

“Just two. ‘Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?’ For me, it’d have to be my brother. Because I used to look up to him all the time, and then I couldn’t anymore, once I realized how prejudiced he was, and how much I no longer wanted to be like that, which is why we don’t talk anymore. But because we haven’t talked in so long, if he did pass away now, I wouldn’t be able to get any closure, and I think I’d always beat myself up wondering if I could’ve forgiven my brother with time, or if he could’ve forgiven me, or if he even still cared about me in his final days… It would just be too many questions unanswered.”

“Sorry, I can’t answer this question because of my anxiety—I used to get sucked into these, um, spirals about this kind of—”

“I’m so sorry! I was so caught up with trying to finish all the questions that I forgot. I should’ve asked if you’d be okay with hearing my answer—”

“That was fine. I just can’t answer it myself, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. This is the last question: ‘Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.’”

“My problem is, um, so there’s this boy that I’m in love with? And I actually didn’t have a clue about how he felt about me until… maybe an hour ago? Though now I think I have a pretty good idea. And so I was wondering maybe I could get your advice on how I handle… whatever this is.”

“That’s a coincidence. That’s the problem _I_ was going to ask you about. But um, I think you should go for him? Go for it, I mean. Because like you said, you have a pretty good idea about how he feels now. Unless you need some more time to think about how he feels and see if it… changes how you feel and if it changes how you want to proceed.”

“Well, what’s four minutes when I’ve been waiting since… I don’t even know. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Him. You. Does it—does it change how you feel about, um, the guy you’re, um, allegedly in love with?”

“ _Allegedly_? Nurse, you heard me say so with your own ears.”

“Okay, so un-allegedly, then.”

“No. No, it doesn’t change how I feel about him. You. Though I’m starting to change how I feel about those four minutes.”

“We still have to wait them out, though. For science.”

“Yeah. I know. Want to reflect on how you’re feeling about this… problem? Situation? Whatever this is?”

“Okay. I think I’m feeling pretty good about it. You?”

“’Swawesome on my end.”

“Okay, so now we need to stare into each other’s eyes silently for four minutes,” Nursey says.

“Okay.”

There’s a pause. “You need to let me get off your lap, Willingtonshirestonian Poindexter.”

“Oh yeah.”

“You didn’t say it wasn’t your name, so I’m going to call you that from now on.”

“I was distracted!” Dex protests, as Nursey reluctantly gets up.

They both stand up, rotating sore limbs and massaging cramped muscles. Nursey’s trying to figure out a coherent narrative for his memory bank about what just transpired over the past few hours, but they’ve been jumping between normal and whatever-this-is so often and so quickly that Nursey’s completely disoriented and also half-convinced that the two neighborhoods are, in fact, one and the same. And that the layout changes every time he tries to navigate it, like the staircases of Hogwarts.

They sit facing each other, cross-legged. Nursey sets a timer for four minutes on his phone, because he doesn’t trust Dex to do the full four minutes.

“To be fair, I don’t trust myself either,” Dex says, as he watches Nursey punch in the numbers. “I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s just four minutes.”

“Just four minutes,” Nursey echoes. “Now shut up.”

At first, it’s hard to look, especially after they talked so freely and so _much_ about feelings and everything. Nursey finds himself wanting to duck his head and fighting the urge to do it so hard that his head pounds. Dex blushes so hard during the first minute that Nursey starts wondering about whether Dex is going to stay blushing for the full four minutes, which is enough to distract Nursey from feeling self-conscious.

Second minute in, Nursey finds himself paying a lot of attention to the dilation of Dex’s pupils, the earnestness Dex holds himself with. The way Dex has been tapping out every second, no doubt counting them all down in his head.

Halfway through the third minute, Nursey finds himself impatient again, allowing himself two more peeks at the timer, because then he wouldn’t be tempted again to look at Dex’s lips when he’s supposed to be looking into Dex’s eyes. It doesn’t help that Dex keeps biting his lip. Nursey bites his own in sympathy, wishing it was Dex’s.

Then, the timer beeps. Without taking his eyes off Dex’s face, Nursey turns off the timer. Dex unfolds his legs.

“Hi,” Dex says.

“Hi,” Nursey echoes. Then he throws himself onto Dex’s lap the same moment that Dex grabs for him, and suddenly, they’re kissing. The kiss is gentle at first, so light that Nursey thinks maybe Dex _hasn’t_ kissed him yet, and he opens his eyes to find that yes, in fact, their lips are touching, but only barely.

Nursey gives him a hard, closed-mouth kiss. One that makes an interesting smacking sound when they part. Fascinated by both the sound and the feel of Dex’s lips, he does it again, until Dex’s huge hands cup his butt to bring him closer, prodding Nursey’s legs to wrap around Dex’s waist more. Nursey tangles his hands in Dex’s hair and switches off between doing that and running them up and down Dex’s neck and spine, eager for warmth, for skin. Dex’s skin is, of course, blocked by his shirt and the flannel on top of it, so Nursey gracelessly stuffs his hands down the back of Dex’s collar to feel as much of Dex’s back as he can.

Meanwhile, Dex has slipped his own hands up the back of Nursey’s T-shirt, gently stroking across the wide expanse of skin. Nursey hopes Dex is going to reconsider the flannel from now on, considering how little Nursey can actually touch of him right now. Nursey reluctantly turns his face away, in an effort to regain the breath that Dex has irreversibly taken from him. As Nursey pants, Dex continues to kiss him everywhere he possibly can while supporting the weight of Nursey’s forehead with his own—Nursey’s cheekbones, his nose.

Nursey closes his eyes, overwhelmed from the emotion, the heat, _everything_. Dex kisses his eyelids, down his nose, starts suckling gently at his neck. Nips him lightly right at his throat, making Nursey start.

“The reason why I wanted us to sober up was because I wanted to kiss you and I didn’t want it to be because I only became brave enough after getting tipsy,” Dex says, as he kisses along Nursey’s jawline.

Nursey makes a helpless sound, as his hands scramble all over Dex’s back, trying to get access to the skin he’s only ever allowed himself two seconds to glance at in the locker room. Dex’s hands cover Nursey’s, guiding them under his flannel, under the shirt. Nursey kisses him again, tries to kiss into him everything he’s feeling—the desire, the anticipation, the _relief_ that he knows, that they _both_ know. The way Dex is kissing back, Nursey has a feeling that he’s trying to do the same.

“I don’t know how far I want to go, how much I want to do tonight,” Nursey admits. “All I know that I wanted to do was kiss you.”

“Hard same,” Dex says. “Uh. No pun intended.”

“Hard same here, too,” Nursey says. “Except mine is completely intended.”

Dex groans. “What am I supposed to do with you?”

“Love me,” Nursey says, boldly. “That’s your number six from me.”

“As long as you love me back,” Dex says. It sounds more like a promise than the negotiation of terms Dex was probably trying to go for, which Nursey would accept, regardless, but you know… whatever this is—Nursey is into it.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [@omgcphee](http:/omgcphee.tumblr.com/)!! also pls reblog [here](http://omgcphee.tumblr.com/tagged/whatever-this-is) thank you <3
> 
> notes: (sry lotsa abbr bc lotsa notes)
> 
> the day[te] they spent b4 the fic began: they checked out the [union sq holiday mkt](https://www.urbanspacenyc.com/union-square-holiday-market/). nursey wanted all the honey+soap; dex loved the hand-carved phone cases; they drank 6 cups of hot choc samples ea. then dinner @ max brenner (v crowded bc union sq's rly crowded, esp on black friday). they shared fondue+found the other staring @them as they licked fudge off the strawberry/etc. they got secco peach bellini @ trader joe's liquor, then took the subway to tribeca for nursey's moms' aptmt (overlooks the hudson)
> 
> did i give nursey and dex my ideal day[te]?? perhaps
> 
> beg. song: [keep on](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzdoRiikiFI) (kehlani)
> 
> i mangle dex's name as a joke bc of [a diff nurseydex fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305402) i once wrote
> 
> soph screw song they dance to: [magic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtb11P1FWnc) (coldplay)
> 
> crush list dex talks abt is from my own hs, coincidentally near the moms' aptmt+also same aptmt for hockey sci au pt7 ch2
> 
> everyone in SMH has had a crush on ransom+chowder @ some pt, that's just #facts
> 
> u know the end of the never have i ever bit? where dex just stares at nursey+downs all the wine?? now u know why i wrote the 1.7k b4 it. yeah.
> 
> also u know the part where dex is like ‘didn’t 2ppl get married’?? like he didn’t need to ask for further clarification!! he alrdy knew!! (he searches the article's exact title w/o nursey saying it first)+also he WAITED til the subj of the ppl getting married came up (aka til he brought it up himself) to agree to do the q’s D;LAKSFJL;DKJAF i know i’m the one who wrote this but i’m dying (that's how u know when ur 2 powerful)
> 
> dex’s best memory being the snowstorm in freshman year is [this one](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_2015_North_American_blizzard), which i lived thru at my own small MA lib arts college. missed 3 days of class!!! 
> 
> the fishing show dex was watching is this [hc](http://pugglemuggle.tumblr.com/post/157810432378/headcanon-that-dex-watches-deadliest-catch-the%E2%80%9D%20rel=)
> 
> '12 bottles of advil': def sth i borrowed verbatim from myself from hockey sci au ad;lfkjlsfd 
> 
> kale bread: in hockey sci au, nursey's moms pick one veg/month+try diff recipes w/ it, both to find healthy recipes+troll him.
> 
> i was def dying while writing the dialogue, jsyk "name a pos. char. abt ur partner." "ur beautiful" like my goodness i was dying+i was answering the q's for both of them. i can't even imagine doing the q's w/ sb else. i'd prob just combust on the spot
> 
> remember this: “If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be impt for them to know”??? +then dex says “I would—I want" like he fucking drops the conditional??? i'm dying??? +i'm the one who did this to myself! then nursey str8 up dropped the conditional immediately bc he has no chill
> 
> btw idt he said chill even once here Is This Even Accurate Nursey Characterization
> 
> spongebob ep: [squilliam returns](http://spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/Squilliam_Returns). spongebob forgets everything but “fine dining+breathing”. coincidentally also where i learned how to use what fork when
> 
> you know the kissing part at the end?? now you know why i wrote the approx. 6k bit re: the 36 q's. so they could sober up+kiss
> 
> math101: most basic math class that nursey put off til senior year. fucking samwell degree reqs (lib arts schools, am i right??)
> 
> nursey saying "that's your number six from me" is from a q for 5 pos. char. but then dex said 6+u can owe me later
> 
> this bit: "“As long as you love me back”...sounds more like a promise than negotiation of terms" d;aflk (nursey: did you mean “for as long as ily back” or “you’ll love me in exch for me loving you”? dex: yes.)
> 
> what i wanted to get across in this: dex to admit he has much learning to do, but w/o much focus on him apologizing/nursey feeling very grateful for him doing the bare min bc i wanted to focus on nursey. also dex has apologized for the dibs thing a lot bc he does feel bad, but @ the same time apologies for sth you're not ready to accept/think abt (like my version of nursey) can be p awkward?? +my version of dex realizes that, which is what he apologizes for last b4 promising to shut up
> 
> p.s. i am so sorry i wrote like 8k w/o any scene breaks but to be fair, when i started, i had no idea that... [ba dum tsssss] whatever this is would end up looking like this


End file.
